Week one: Done!
Today marks one week since we boarded a plane in Las Vegas and made the long trek here! So much has happened, it feels like that day was a world away. The first week here was filled with being on the go to get paperwork completed, the excitement of meeting Toby for the first time, more paper chasing....and now, we wait.
We get to see Toby each day, but we are really limited on how much time we get to spend with him. He continues to go to school each day (which must be AGONY for him when he just wants to be with us!) so we can only arrive around 4:00pm during the school week, then we leave by about 5:20 so that he can have dinner. This weekend, we got to see him twice on Saturday, but were still restricted on the time. The whole process of visiting is quite confusing. On the weekend, it seemed like no one was even there. A cook had to come open the door for us, we stood on the stairs landing and suddenly heard him bounding down the stairs and running into my arms! No one has really told us exactly what we are to do when we come for visits and up until today, I had never met a nanny or any of the other kids in his groupa. It was always just Toby by himself. But today, there was no bounding down the stairs. Today, he came walking solemnly beside a nanny, who explained to me that he must not walk us to the door at night to say goodbye. We must take him back to his groupa and an adult will come lock up. We also must not let him play on the windows (which have big, wide window sills where he was playing hide and seek the previous day) since it is dangerous. I apologized and told her we would do as she asked. I cannot even express how difficult it is to be with our boy, but not really have him WITH us yet. To have to leave him each day...breaks my heart. Even the boys get kind of sad and Jack cried once, leaving him behind. Soon! Soon we will have him with us FOREVER!!
Toby has LOTS of energy and we know that the level of stimulation he's had in the last few days has probably put his mind, heart and body into overdrive. With the wisdom of another adoptive mom who's been in our shoes, we've created a kind of schedule for our visits now. When we first arrive, we have some new little gift for him and a treat. He LOVES his sweets - especially Kinder Eggs! (Our other boys love them too...who wouldn't?!) In Ukraine, gifts equal love, so we don't mind bringing him something each time. It costs us very little, but it provides him with such joy. His favorite things by far have been his Lego set (he keeps asking if we have any more Legos...I wish we had brought more!) and his Transformer robot. After we play with whatever toy we've brought, the boys and Josh play "voyna" (war) or "krepost" (fortress). They build two fortresses with big foam blocks and work on knocking the other team's over or capturing prisoners. Toby is so animated and imaginative...and already such a big brother. He directs the others what to do. "Now it is time to eat!" "Now you sleep!" "Jack, guard the prisoners!"
After they play hard for almost an hour, we say it is clean up time and then we can bring out the iPad. Toby LOVES the iPad and the Angry Birds games in particular. It is really motivating for him to have that at the end, and it calms him down before we have to leave. I am amazed how kids all over the globe know what to do with a tablet in their hands. And how all boys seem to be hardwired for technology. We will definitely put limits on iPad use in our house when we get home.
When it is time to leave, Toby asks when we will return. He asks about when we will go "HOME" to America. He always says "HOME" in English...like that is the word he's been practising his whole life! We tell him how much we love him and he says, "And I love you!"
He has a unique relationship with Josh already and is really drawn to him. We realize this is because he has NEVER known what to do with the attention and love of a male figure in his life, let alone a father. He is sort of mothered by lots of women in the orphanage, but no men that we've seen. So there is a fine balance. He can get kind of aggressive and overly physical with Josh. Today he was using sticks as guns and began hitting Josh on the back with them. Josh firmly told him no, took the sticks and I asked him to come sit with me. I told him it was not okay to hit with the sticks, especially not your Papa. He said okay. Then Josh came over and hugged him and Toby had a huge smile on his face. After that, Toby began calling Josh, "Papochka" - which is the even more endearing term for Daddy than "Papa".
This is especially poignant since Josh and I read a beautiful article today written by an adoptive father. It was posted on Lifesong for Orphans and I'd like to quote some of it here. It may also provide a new way of looking at the Christmas story as we approach the season of Advent.
We get to see Toby each day, but we are really limited on how much time we get to spend with him. He continues to go to school each day (which must be AGONY for him when he just wants to be with us!) so we can only arrive around 4:00pm during the school week, then we leave by about 5:20 so that he can have dinner. This weekend, we got to see him twice on Saturday, but were still restricted on the time. The whole process of visiting is quite confusing. On the weekend, it seemed like no one was even there. A cook had to come open the door for us, we stood on the stairs landing and suddenly heard him bounding down the stairs and running into my arms! No one has really told us exactly what we are to do when we come for visits and up until today, I had never met a nanny or any of the other kids in his groupa. It was always just Toby by himself. But today, there was no bounding down the stairs. Today, he came walking solemnly beside a nanny, who explained to me that he must not walk us to the door at night to say goodbye. We must take him back to his groupa and an adult will come lock up. We also must not let him play on the windows (which have big, wide window sills where he was playing hide and seek the previous day) since it is dangerous. I apologized and told her we would do as she asked. I cannot even express how difficult it is to be with our boy, but not really have him WITH us yet. To have to leave him each day...breaks my heart. Even the boys get kind of sad and Jack cried once, leaving him behind. Soon! Soon we will have him with us FOREVER!!
Toby has LOTS of energy and we know that the level of stimulation he's had in the last few days has probably put his mind, heart and body into overdrive. With the wisdom of another adoptive mom who's been in our shoes, we've created a kind of schedule for our visits now. When we first arrive, we have some new little gift for him and a treat. He LOVES his sweets - especially Kinder Eggs! (Our other boys love them too...who wouldn't?!) In Ukraine, gifts equal love, so we don't mind bringing him something each time. It costs us very little, but it provides him with such joy. His favorite things by far have been his Lego set (he keeps asking if we have any more Legos...I wish we had brought more!) and his Transformer robot. After we play with whatever toy we've brought, the boys and Josh play "voyna" (war) or "krepost" (fortress). They build two fortresses with big foam blocks and work on knocking the other team's over or capturing prisoners. Toby is so animated and imaginative...and already such a big brother. He directs the others what to do. "Now it is time to eat!" "Now you sleep!" "Jack, guard the prisoners!"
After they play hard for almost an hour, we say it is clean up time and then we can bring out the iPad. Toby LOVES the iPad and the Angry Birds games in particular. It is really motivating for him to have that at the end, and it calms him down before we have to leave. I am amazed how kids all over the globe know what to do with a tablet in their hands. And how all boys seem to be hardwired for technology. We will definitely put limits on iPad use in our house when we get home.
When it is time to leave, Toby asks when we will return. He asks about when we will go "HOME" to America. He always says "HOME" in English...like that is the word he's been practising his whole life! We tell him how much we love him and he says, "And I love you!"
He has a unique relationship with Josh already and is really drawn to him. We realize this is because he has NEVER known what to do with the attention and love of a male figure in his life, let alone a father. He is sort of mothered by lots of women in the orphanage, but no men that we've seen. So there is a fine balance. He can get kind of aggressive and overly physical with Josh. Today he was using sticks as guns and began hitting Josh on the back with them. Josh firmly told him no, took the sticks and I asked him to come sit with me. I told him it was not okay to hit with the sticks, especially not your Papa. He said okay. Then Josh came over and hugged him and Toby had a huge smile on his face. After that, Toby began calling Josh, "Papochka" - which is the even more endearing term for Daddy than "Papa".
This is especially poignant since Josh and I read a beautiful article today written by an adoptive father. It was posted on Lifesong for Orphans and I'd like to quote some of it here. It may also provide a new way of looking at the Christmas story as we approach the season of Advent.
"Fatherhood is that terrifying space between living courageously and feeling like you have no idea what you are doing.
"When you step out in adoption and say, “Hey – that child right there–he is not mine, but I am going to make him mine. I’m going to put my name on him and give him all the rights and privileges that come with being my child,” that’s modeling what God does to His children in the gospel. He doesn’t owe you anything but wrath. Judgment. Condemnation. Instead, he has taken you into his family and made you a “co-heir with Christ” (Rom 8:17). Men, when you engage in adoption, you are modeling for the world what God the Father has done through our elder brother, Jesus Christ.
"Manhood, especially fatherhood, has always been under attack, and our generation is no exception. It is estimated that 43% of U.S. children live without their father.
"I’m thankful for Russell Moore and his book Adopted for Life. In his book he outlined something I had never considered before – Joseph’s role in the birth and life of Jesus. See, Joseph shows us what manhood looks like. He could have divorced Mary, shamed her, and left the newborn and mother to be publicly ostracized for the rest of their lives. And he would have been fully within his rights to do so.
"Instead, he raised a child that “wasn’t his own.” See men, this is so crucial to the history of redemption, because if Joseph would not have stepped up to legitimize Jesus’ birth, the story of a rescuer would have ended right there! Jesus is prophesied to be “the son of David” and because He is the legal son of Joseph, He now has the legal, kingly rights to fulfill prophecy. Men, that is because of Joseph!
"Adoption is about manhood. Taking responsibility for a child that you could easily justify as “someone else’s problem.” Well men, that’s what Jesus did on the cross – He took responsibility for us.
"Jesus gave His life as a ransom for many. And that was all made possible because a carpenter named Joseph took on “someone else’s problem.” So as you pray about how God would have you grow your family, lead your wives into the conversation and action of orphan care. Shepherd her through the process – be a leader!"
You can read the whole article HERE
We hope to hear soon that our paperwork has been approved in Kiev so that we can proceed with our December 4th court date! If this happens, we will be on schedule to return home by Christmas! Please keep praying! Please pray that Toby would find peace and love in the midst of his hard moments of waiting. Please pray that our spirits would be lifted and would be filled with joy, despite the cold, gray dreary weather and loneliness setting in.
And now...enjoy some pictures of our last few days of visits, and a video of our boy playing as he's always waited to play...with a Papa and brothers!
I am praying daily and I am also advocating.
ReplyDeleteToby-I love you with all of my heart and I always will!!
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