New Life
One week ago we celebrated the resurrection of Our Lord Jesus Christ! It has taken me just about this entire week to process all that God did on that wonderful weekend. I'm praying that by sharing this part of our story, someone will be encouraged.
I've learned that as an adoptive mom, it is hard to know what to share with others and what information to keep to ourselves as we figure out how to adjust with this new person in our family. We knew that adoption would not be easy. We knew there would be challenges. We read books to prepare ourselves - we talked to other adoptive families. We thought we knew.
But we didn't. Not truly. We didn't know how hard it would be. I feel guilty even writing those words, because we have seen so many other wonderful families take on children with MUCH more severe needs (medical, emotional, mental) than we've had to handle with our Toby. And so many of them do it with such utter grace and love. Those families amaze me and encourage me!
But for our family....these last three months have been HARD. Toby brought with him a lot of darkness and negativity. His mood seemed to darken our whole household. We worried about our other boys as we saw them struggling when Toby took up so much of our attention - usually for negative reasons. Homeschooling became something I dreaded each morning, because I knew I'd fail again at being able to give each boy what he needed from his Mama in the schooling department.
We were exhausted. When my husband was home (or even when he'd call from work on his long shifts) it seemed that all we could talk about was Toby and his behaviors and how to deal with them. I've cried a lot. We've prayed a lot. We've hoped to see some ray of hope that would indicate change was coming. But to tell the truth, we thought that hope was a long way off.
Despite all of these things - we've never for a moment doubted that we did the right thing in adopting Toby. God's hand has been on this journey so unmistakably, right from the beginning. We honestly did not have an extra $25 to send in with our Reece's Rainbow application when we began this journey, yet in less than five months, the Lord touched people's hearts in huge ways so that we had the $25,000+ that we needed to complete the adoption. He answered every prayer we had in the beginning: 1) to allow Toby to stay where he was instead of being transferred to a different facility 2)to allow the director of the orphanage to have a soft heart and allow our boys to come for visits 3)to be home by Christmas...and so many others. He answered every tear-soaked prayer at the end of our stay in Kiev to allow Toby's passport to come in time for us to be home on Christmas. I mean - these were HUGE answers to prayer!
And yet here we were - finding it so hard just to get through another day. It was so much work to CHOOSE to love him when he could be so completely unlovable. My heart ached. That was the ONE thing I did not think would be hard. We had been so completely overwhelmed with love for this 10 year old boy in the months leading up to meeting him. We sold everything we could, we worked day and night to fill out applications and paperwork and grants. I spent many sleepless nights worrying about him and praying for him and dreaming about the day he would be ours. WHY was it so hard to just love him?
Again and again, Josh and I told each other that the only way we would ever see a real change in Toby was when he came to know Jesus as his Savior. We've seen firsthand how only He can truly transform a life. So prayed, but didn't have much faith that this kind of encounter would happen any time soon.
Then the week of Easter came. We read passages from a picture Bible every morning about that last week of Jesus' life. Toby started asking some questions. One night, he was looking at the pictures in his own Ukrainian Jesus Storybook Bible and when he came to the picture of Jesus on the cross, he said, "Ah! Jesus! What have they done to you?" He turned a few more pictures and said, "Wait...there is a big surprise!" I asked what that was and he whispered behind his hand, "He rose from the dead!"
On Good Friday, March 25th (four months to the day after meeting him for the first time and three months after bringing him home to America), we had a rough day. Toby had been argumentative, mean to his brothers, had sat in his "time-in" chair several times....I was worn out and so was he. But that evening, I wanted the boys to watch a movie about Jesus' last week. Toby is really visually-oriented and I thought a film would appeal to him more than reading Bible stories. We found this movie - a wonderful animated version of Jesus' life.
As Toby watched, he was still (he usually rocks during movies) and he didn't ask one question (he normally repeats everything, narrates the story or asks a million questions during movies). It was hard to gauge what he was thinking. It wasn't until the movie was over that I noticed a reaction.
He was on the couch, covering his face with a pillow...tears streaming down his face. I asked him why he was crying? I thought maybe 2-year old Joe had whacked him with a toy or something. He was quiet. I sent the other boys up to brush their teeth and asked him again, "Why are you crying, Toby?"
"Because Jesus died on the cross."
I put my arm around him and asked, "And do you know why He died on the cross?"
With a great sob, he said, "He died for me!"
We sat on the chair together and I told him his tears were good tears - because it showed his heart was broken for what Jesus had done for him. When Jesus died on that cross, he took all of our sin and pain and shame and darkness away. Toby prayed and asked Jesus to take his darkness away. He asked him for a new heart and a new life. He said he wanted to love and follow Jesus.
Glory to the Lord!
Jack and George hugged him and rejoiced when they heard that Toby wasn't just their brother because he was a Meyer. He was their brother in Christ, too!
Immediately, there was peace in our household. The next morning, Toby woke up and decided to take down the Darth Vader poster that hung above his bed. (This kid has LOVED anything that was black or dark or evil. He always wants to be the villain when playing with the boys. He gets upset at me when I won't let him watch vampire movies. He talks about death and darkness a lot. Darth Vader was his favorite.) I asked him why. "Mom, it is evil and darkness. I don't want it by me anymore." Wow.
Saturday we awoke to a beautiful layer of snow on the ground! What a beautiful picture of how "our sins were as scarlet, but now they are white as snow." (Isaiah 1:18) All day, he asked questions and talked about Jesus. When we decorated eggs that afternoon, he drew a cross on each one, totally unprompted. He asked me how to write "Our King" in English on one egg. I marveled at how he really GOT what Easter was all about. And when he went to bed that night, he said quietly as he hugged me, "Mom, Jesus is so much better than darkness."
Needless to say, Sunday morning was a wonderful time of rejoicing! We were so glad to have our friends the Picketts visiting us from Las Vegas - it made the day feel extra special!
Our pastor's wife had heard about Toby's Friday night prayer and asked if I'd be willing to share about it in front of the church. I checked with Toby first and he said, "Of course! Can I come with you!" So after a few songs had been sung, we came forward and shared with the church how Toby had committed his heart to Jesus. People cheered and cried and when we walked down the aisle, many came to Toby to hug him or give him high fives and welcome him to God's family. He was beaming from ear to ear! He also got to take communion for the first time. He asked, "Mom, now that I have a new life in Jesus and I know what the bread and wine mean, can I take it, too?" Yes!!!
Life has changed for us. Josh came home from work on Monday afternoon (having missed all three wonderful days) and he noticed the difference immediately. The darkness is gone. There is a joy that wasn't there before. God hasn't been working in Toby's heart only. He has been working in our hearts.
Does this mean the hard days are over? No. It doesn't. We've already had a few since last weekend. But it does mean that there is a difference in the way Toby responds to us. There is a difference in the way he plays with his brothers. There is a difference in the way he accepts consequences. He now WANTS to read his Bible and learn more about Jesus. He offers to pray at meal times and uses his broken English to thank Jesus for "no more darkness". He's a changed boy.
This is ultimately what adoption is all about. We ourselves have been offered the gift of being in God's family through adoption. We have been brought from the darkness into the light - and we can be the vessels God uses to bring other sweet orphans into His family.
Adoption is hard. It is exhausting. It drives you to your knees in ways you've never had to do before. But it is SO WORTH IT. We thank the Lord for letting us see this transformation in our son's life so early on in this journey.
Please don't stop praying for adoptive families once they get home. It is easy to follow along with the excitement of the pre-adoption process...and it is easier for those parents to post things and keep updates going. When you see a family slow down or stop posting altogether on blogs and FB, that is the time to pray even harder! That is when they are deep in the trenches and need to be lifted up in prayer. Thank you for those of you who have been so faithful in praying for our family. It is making an eternal difference. Please don't stop!
I've learned that as an adoptive mom, it is hard to know what to share with others and what information to keep to ourselves as we figure out how to adjust with this new person in our family. We knew that adoption would not be easy. We knew there would be challenges. We read books to prepare ourselves - we talked to other adoptive families. We thought we knew.
But we didn't. Not truly. We didn't know how hard it would be. I feel guilty even writing those words, because we have seen so many other wonderful families take on children with MUCH more severe needs (medical, emotional, mental) than we've had to handle with our Toby. And so many of them do it with such utter grace and love. Those families amaze me and encourage me!
But for our family....these last three months have been HARD. Toby brought with him a lot of darkness and negativity. His mood seemed to darken our whole household. We worried about our other boys as we saw them struggling when Toby took up so much of our attention - usually for negative reasons. Homeschooling became something I dreaded each morning, because I knew I'd fail again at being able to give each boy what he needed from his Mama in the schooling department.
We were exhausted. When my husband was home (or even when he'd call from work on his long shifts) it seemed that all we could talk about was Toby and his behaviors and how to deal with them. I've cried a lot. We've prayed a lot. We've hoped to see some ray of hope that would indicate change was coming. But to tell the truth, we thought that hope was a long way off.
Despite all of these things - we've never for a moment doubted that we did the right thing in adopting Toby. God's hand has been on this journey so unmistakably, right from the beginning. We honestly did not have an extra $25 to send in with our Reece's Rainbow application when we began this journey, yet in less than five months, the Lord touched people's hearts in huge ways so that we had the $25,000+ that we needed to complete the adoption. He answered every prayer we had in the beginning: 1) to allow Toby to stay where he was instead of being transferred to a different facility 2)to allow the director of the orphanage to have a soft heart and allow our boys to come for visits 3)to be home by Christmas...and so many others. He answered every tear-soaked prayer at the end of our stay in Kiev to allow Toby's passport to come in time for us to be home on Christmas. I mean - these were HUGE answers to prayer!
And yet here we were - finding it so hard just to get through another day. It was so much work to CHOOSE to love him when he could be so completely unlovable. My heart ached. That was the ONE thing I did not think would be hard. We had been so completely overwhelmed with love for this 10 year old boy in the months leading up to meeting him. We sold everything we could, we worked day and night to fill out applications and paperwork and grants. I spent many sleepless nights worrying about him and praying for him and dreaming about the day he would be ours. WHY was it so hard to just love him?
Again and again, Josh and I told each other that the only way we would ever see a real change in Toby was when he came to know Jesus as his Savior. We've seen firsthand how only He can truly transform a life. So prayed, but didn't have much faith that this kind of encounter would happen any time soon.
Then the week of Easter came. We read passages from a picture Bible every morning about that last week of Jesus' life. Toby started asking some questions. One night, he was looking at the pictures in his own Ukrainian Jesus Storybook Bible and when he came to the picture of Jesus on the cross, he said, "Ah! Jesus! What have they done to you?" He turned a few more pictures and said, "Wait...there is a big surprise!" I asked what that was and he whispered behind his hand, "He rose from the dead!"
On Good Friday, March 25th (four months to the day after meeting him for the first time and three months after bringing him home to America), we had a rough day. Toby had been argumentative, mean to his brothers, had sat in his "time-in" chair several times....I was worn out and so was he. But that evening, I wanted the boys to watch a movie about Jesus' last week. Toby is really visually-oriented and I thought a film would appeal to him more than reading Bible stories. We found this movie - a wonderful animated version of Jesus' life.
As Toby watched, he was still (he usually rocks during movies) and he didn't ask one question (he normally repeats everything, narrates the story or asks a million questions during movies). It was hard to gauge what he was thinking. It wasn't until the movie was over that I noticed a reaction.
He was on the couch, covering his face with a pillow...tears streaming down his face. I asked him why he was crying? I thought maybe 2-year old Joe had whacked him with a toy or something. He was quiet. I sent the other boys up to brush their teeth and asked him again, "Why are you crying, Toby?"
"Because Jesus died on the cross."
I put my arm around him and asked, "And do you know why He died on the cross?"
With a great sob, he said, "He died for me!"
We sat on the chair together and I told him his tears were good tears - because it showed his heart was broken for what Jesus had done for him. When Jesus died on that cross, he took all of our sin and pain and shame and darkness away. Toby prayed and asked Jesus to take his darkness away. He asked him for a new heart and a new life. He said he wanted to love and follow Jesus.
Glory to the Lord!
Jack and George hugged him and rejoiced when they heard that Toby wasn't just their brother because he was a Meyer. He was their brother in Christ, too!
Immediately, there was peace in our household. The next morning, Toby woke up and decided to take down the Darth Vader poster that hung above his bed. (This kid has LOVED anything that was black or dark or evil. He always wants to be the villain when playing with the boys. He gets upset at me when I won't let him watch vampire movies. He talks about death and darkness a lot. Darth Vader was his favorite.) I asked him why. "Mom, it is evil and darkness. I don't want it by me anymore." Wow.
Saturday we awoke to a beautiful layer of snow on the ground! What a beautiful picture of how "our sins were as scarlet, but now they are white as snow." (Isaiah 1:18) All day, he asked questions and talked about Jesus. When we decorated eggs that afternoon, he drew a cross on each one, totally unprompted. He asked me how to write "Our King" in English on one egg. I marveled at how he really GOT what Easter was all about. And when he went to bed that night, he said quietly as he hugged me, "Mom, Jesus is so much better than darkness."
Needless to say, Sunday morning was a wonderful time of rejoicing! We were so glad to have our friends the Picketts visiting us from Las Vegas - it made the day feel extra special!
Our pastor's wife had heard about Toby's Friday night prayer and asked if I'd be willing to share about it in front of the church. I checked with Toby first and he said, "Of course! Can I come with you!" So after a few songs had been sung, we came forward and shared with the church how Toby had committed his heart to Jesus. People cheered and cried and when we walked down the aisle, many came to Toby to hug him or give him high fives and welcome him to God's family. He was beaming from ear to ear! He also got to take communion for the first time. He asked, "Mom, now that I have a new life in Jesus and I know what the bread and wine mean, can I take it, too?" Yes!!!
Life has changed for us. Josh came home from work on Monday afternoon (having missed all three wonderful days) and he noticed the difference immediately. The darkness is gone. There is a joy that wasn't there before. God hasn't been working in Toby's heart only. He has been working in our hearts.
Does this mean the hard days are over? No. It doesn't. We've already had a few since last weekend. But it does mean that there is a difference in the way Toby responds to us. There is a difference in the way he plays with his brothers. There is a difference in the way he accepts consequences. He now WANTS to read his Bible and learn more about Jesus. He offers to pray at meal times and uses his broken English to thank Jesus for "no more darkness". He's a changed boy.
This is ultimately what adoption is all about. We ourselves have been offered the gift of being in God's family through adoption. We have been brought from the darkness into the light - and we can be the vessels God uses to bring other sweet orphans into His family.
Adoption is hard. It is exhausting. It drives you to your knees in ways you've never had to do before. But it is SO WORTH IT. We thank the Lord for letting us see this transformation in our son's life so early on in this journey.
Please don't stop praying for adoptive families once they get home. It is easy to follow along with the excitement of the pre-adoption process...and it is easier for those parents to post things and keep updates going. When you see a family slow down or stop posting altogether on blogs and FB, that is the time to pray even harder! That is when they are deep in the trenches and need to be lifted up in prayer. Thank you for those of you who have been so faithful in praying for our family. It is making an eternal difference. Please don't stop!
"I am the light of the world.
Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness,
but will have the light of life."
John 8:12
Amen and amen. We are all witness to God's hand on this entire journey over and over again. Rejoicing with you!!
ReplyDeletePraise Jesus! You don't know me, but I have been following your blog. My husband and I have twin adopted daughters through foster care. I understand the challenging days! I am so excited for Toby's salvation. I can see a difference in his eyes through the pictures you have posted. His eyes are "softer" and you can see Jesus in him! Praise the Lord for adoption!
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