Four months home

Yesterday marked four months.  Four months since we brought Toby home to America.  We've been told many times by other adoptive families that the four month mark is often an important turning point in the adapting process.  It usually means the end of the "honeymoon period" - if there ever was one!  It means reaching a new normal.  We've looked forward to reaching the four month marker!

Well....the transitioning process continues.  There has definitely been progress made in these past months, but often it is more like taking two steps forward and three steps back.  The days when we think, "Yes!  We are getting this!  He is really becoming part of the family!"  are often followed by days when we wonder how long it will be until things feel normal again.

But overall, Toby is doing really well.  His English is exploding! He is responding to our love and attention and a family environment.  He still clings hard to many of the survival instincts he honed over 11 years of living in an institution.  As Julia Nalle said, those skills are vitally important in an orphanage, but do not work at ALL in a family!  (Please take the time to read her post, if you haven't already, on the silence of adoption.  So much of it is so very true to our own experience.  It is helpful for those who love us and pray for us to know these kinds of things.  You can read her post HERE.)

One thing is for certain.  HE. IS. ALL. BOY.

He is filled with boundless energy and he is moving constantly.  We've been a bit dismayed that he's only gained 3 pounds since being home.  He was so skinny when we met him, I just couldn't wait to get him home and fatten him up a bit!  He eats like crazy, but he's still skinny!  But we've decided it is because he is in constant motion and his metabolism must be through the roof.

His favorite new foods:  pizza, spaghetti, hot chocolate, pancakes, homemade bread, donuts, cereal, baked oatmeal, meatloaf, hamburgers.

His favorite things to do:  jump on the trampoline,

play football and baseball,

go bowling (for the first time ever!),

set up the HotWheels tracks in various locations and play for hours with his brothers,

play Legos, climb trees,

play with shaving cream and bath toys and soak in the bathtub until he is a shriveled prune.  :-)

 
Oh...wait...I should pause here and tell a story.  A few days ago when Josh was at work, Toby decided to climb a really tall tree that rests in the corner of our neighbor's yard adjoining our driveway.  I told him not to go too far up.  He did.  Soon, I heard him crying and saying he couldn't get down.  I told him if he could go up, he could get down.  But upon further investigating, I noticed he was really, truly stuck.  He had no foothold to come down on and he was probably about 20 feet up in the tree.  I thought I would have to call the Fire Department, until I remembered we had a 16 foot ladder in our back garage.  Thankfully, it was just tall enough at full extension for him to put his foot on and carefully come down.  Needless to say, our adventurous boy may be a bit more cautious in the future.  (It is fun to think, though, that all those years in the orphanage...he most likely was DYING to climb trees and was never able to!)

His least favorite things to do:  eat beans of any sort, do school work or any kind of mental activity, having quiet time with books while little brother naps, cleaning up Legos, being kept indoors when it is raining.

The relationship between him and his brothers is interesting.  They can be best of friends and really do spend HOURS each day just laughing and playing and planning various schemes together to build forts or ramps for their cars.  But there can also be a lot of tension.  Toby has this intense need for fairness.  If he sees us treating baby Joe (2 years old) differently than we treat the older boys, he is upset.  He and Joe have this love/hate relationship and they both demand about equal amounts of attention from me.  But very often, they show tremendous affection toward one another.  Every night, Joe crawls up in Toby's bed and gives him a kiss goodnight.  And many times, I see them sitting together to watch a movie.  These are the moments we cherish!

Josh and I are learning much about what it means to truly love.  To AGAPE love our new son, even when the feelings aren't there.  I've been doing a Beth Moore Bible Study on the fruit of the Spirit.  On the section discussing love, she spends much time on the concept of agape.  She says:

"Agape is divine love.  Its only origin is the heart of God.  

Agape is the love of God expressed through us to others. Actually it is a response more than a feeling.

Agape  begins as a response and ends with a feeling.

It may be the most difficult request God ever makes of us - and the most glorious privilege.

But it is absolutely impossible without a heart transplant."

(Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit by Beth Moore, pg 66)

So, we are praying every single day that God would give us new hearts that would pour out His perfect love on our boy.  On all of our boys.  He is moving and things are changing...and we are grateful.

Four months with our boy.  We are grateful for every moment of it - the beautiful moments, the exhausting moments, the in-the-trenches hard moments.  He is ours and we love him beyond words.  When we see him running and climbing and jumping and laughing and getting tucked in with kisses and prayers each night, we know he is right where he is meant to be!